From the diary of a friend ...( By Bepin Shrestha)

My Life before and after the brain injury 

It’s really hard to explain what I have been through in my life after my brain injury. There are number of things that have changed which I could realize. The anxiety has level has definitely increased in my personality making me agitated and angry for simple things increasing my blood pressure. Whenever someone scolds I can’t control my temper and reply straight back at them. I am not so confident about myself which previously I was which definitely has hampered my career and not taking so serious about my studies which was my prime importance for my personal long term growth. I have lost a lot of friends and find myself very lonely across the borders.

I even broke up with my long term relationship with my girlfriend and really don’t know what did I say to her causing a big problem. I thought to myself and try to positive at whatever happened but even then there is a greater impact on my life and my career. My priorities in my life has definitely changed and trying to be satisfy myself with at least a degree coming all the way long from my home. I have thought my completing my masters however hard it was in accounting and apply for residency. But coming to this point of life my career and destinations in life has changed and don’t really know what my future would be. Human beings live in the society where there is lots of cooperation and help between people and friends. I miss all the support that I would have got with my life on hold with that incident. It’s really hard thing for me to relax these days but don’t know why. If I consider my sleep it seems all good but even then I get tired quickly without any work. In addition to this I sometimes do have palpitations of my heart beat without any reason of walking quickly or running. It’s quite astonishing.

I really have mixed emotions as whether I could be able to do whatever I have planned in my life. It’s definitely affected my short term memory followed by stress. I am not able to focus and concentrate on things which are very important thing while studying. I do realize I have become too emotional and things making so upset. I do feel I have wasted a precious part of life for no reasons. Apart from that I have trouble with giving my time to the lawyers and processing things which is a tedious process where I should not be involved so and just think about my studies. But I had to be involved as things are not in my favour and I should be able to speak for myself as human rights.

I would not be able to change the things in the past but definitely be able to work on my future and my brain injury is not letting me do that physically creating more fatigue and mentally change in my thinking pattern more towards negative rather than being positive side of my life. I sometimes think why I have become so impatient and rushing too much when things could be carried on so easily. I really don’t know the reason behind it. I may look good physically well sound enough but really don’t know what goes on with my brain creating problems to myself.

Things have changed a lot with me my career, personality and my well being. I hope it would go well with psychological counselling but everything will definitely take me a lot of time as usual. My background as I am coming from a third world country where medical research is a long way to go to even when I go back might have some complication on psychological part of my life creating problems. I definitely have made my life boring living to myself. I presently having problem with constipation and it’s been a long time. I recently notice dark circles in spite of not much of sleep disturbances. I am beginning to doubt on things becoming so sceptical with the things that I do or must be lack of confidence in myself. I find myself keep on talking with people even if the people get bored of my talking which might be relevant or irrelevant to others. I really don’t know much about how to avoid talking too much which might get me into trouble some way.

Apart from this I sometimes I don’t really remember what I was doing I would be doing something and in between if I leave what I was doing I would be forgetting what I had to continue doing the first thing that I was doing due to short term memory loss which makes me frustrated and leaves the things undone. I really have to remember every appointment that I was supposed to meet somebody again and again and had troubles not keeping with the appointment which are really important ones and on which I would have 24 hours notice to cancel the appointment. I really think I am making things more complicated which aren’t good for me.

These are several major things which have really changed and  which would definitely have an  effect on my life.

xox